My Journey to Motherhood

Pre-Pregnancy

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mom one day but I wasn’t sure when it would be my turn. It felt like everybody and their cousin’s cousin had kids and I was the last woman standing with only my “classroom” kids. I was a teacher for about 7 years so that helped with the occasional baby fever. My husband and I got married in September of 2015 and we knew we would want kids right away. He always said he wanted four (not anymore) but I only wanted two. I figured we would cross that bridge when we got to it. I was sure after our first kid he would have a change of heart(I was right).

I was on Depo Provera for a few years and I’d heard a lot of people say it was hard to get pregnant after being on the shot for so long. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Depo Provera, it is a birth control that is given via injection. I could give them to myself with my eyes closed by the time I had my last one which was the July before I got married. I didn’t get pregnant until the following year. I found out on August 28th that I would become a mom and I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. No really. I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I took a test that evening because I was late by a few days and I thought it was negative at first. Something told me to take a second look and to my surprise, I saw the faintest line possible. I shined a flashlight on the test to make sure before I went to show my husband. I even looked up YouTube videos of other people who had really light test results. So yea… I was freaking out just a little.

I came to the conclusion that it was normal since I didn’t follow the instructions to take the test first thing in the morning. I told my husband that we were pregnant and I’m pretty sure he thought I was crazy at first because you really couldn’t see the second line unless you were in the light. I even showed him the YouTube videos of other women with faint lines on their tests. He had the biggest grin on his face when he realized I might not be as crazy as I looked. We decided we would take another test first thing in the morning just to be sure before we told anyone. Of course, I was already texting at least two of my friends. I think I woke up (if I even slept) the next day around 6 am and made a mad dash to the bathroom to take the second test. Two lines popped up super fast and I couldn’t wait to wake Milan up to tell him we were officially parents. I called my best friends on the way to work literally bursting with joy and unable to contain the overwhelming feeling that I had been waiting so long for.

Pregnancy

So I had a pretty easy pregnancy for the most part. I say that now that I don’t have to deal with morning sickness and heartburn. I would get sick every single morning around the same time…9:30 am. After that, I was fine for the rest of the day. I couldn’t eat a lot at once or I would feel like crap. Ginger ale and applesauce were my best friends (before, during, and after pregnancy).

I started going to a regular obstetrician when I found out I was pregnant and I thought I was going to stick with the traditional hospital route. After doing research on natural childbirth I decided to take a look at Baby & Co. We did a tour and instantly fell in love with the staff and the facility. It felt like a little home or a nice hotel instead of a hospital room. I switched to Baby & Co because I really wanted to go the natural childbirth route and a water birth was one of the options. They held several different classes that were required before giving birth so that we would be as prepared as possible. I learned so much during these classes (especially breastfeeding)!

Labor & Delivery

I’m not sure why but my due date changed multiple times. Whenever someone asked me when I was due my answer was, “I have no idea”. Now that my son is here I know exactly why it kept changing. He’s the boss. His final due date was May 8 and that day came and there was no sign of a baby. The next weekend was Mother’s Day and I just knew that I would be celebrating my first Mother’s Day snuggling with my newborn baby. Well, that day came and once again no sign of a baby. I was devastated (super hormonal)! My husband took me out to eat and we still celebrated but it wasn’t the same.

I think Myan felt like he had called the shots long enough because I started having very light contractions late that night. I was scheduled for an appointment the next morning so I wasn’t too worried. I was hoping they could check me and we could get the ball rolling. Since I was a week late my midwife decided it was necessary to do a fetal non-stress test (NST) to make sure everything looked good. The test didn’t come back as well as they had hoped so I was sent to the hospital right next door (another reason why I was comfortable with Baby & Co… if there were any signs of a problem they sent you straight to the hospital).

We arrived at the hospital and went straight into a room because our midwife had already let them know we were on our way. After another NST my doctor decided that it was still a little abnormal and gave me the option to go ahead and get induced. Just hearing that the test wasn’t what it should be was scary so I decided to go ahead with the induction. I was still having very small contractions so I figured it was only a matter of time anyway. We were already there so might as well have a baby!

If I knew then what I know now about being induced I probably would have thought twice about it. I had been preparing for a natural birth and “natural” contractions. My body went into contraction overdrive and I think I maybe had a 30-second break in between each one and I was only 4 cm dilated. I tried everything I was taught in class but nothing seemed to work. We walked, listen to music, used the bouncy ball, and tried some exercises. By no means did I feel defeated when I asked for that epidural. I knew I needed some help if I was going to get through the rest of this journey that I wasn’t even halfway through.

After getting the epidural I couldn’t feel a thing. It was pretty amazing until about ten minutes later when my nurse started to stare at my monitor with a puzzled look. She told me to turn over on my side and she looked at it again. I could tell she was trying to act like everything was okay but I knew it wasn’t. My doctor came in soon after and said he wanted me to try a few things to bring my baby’s heart rate up because it was dropping very low with each contraction.

Instead of panicking I went straight into fix it mode and did everything I could to stay calm. We tried a few more positions and nothing changed. My doctor decided that we should probably think about getting a c-section. I didn’t even hesitate or think twice about it. I just wanted to get my baby out safely.

I think they were thinking I would freak out since my initial birth plan was to have a natural water birth at the birthing center and I was having complete opposite experience. I honestly hadn’t thought twice about it once I was admitted to the hospital. My only goal was to have a healthy baby. Nothing else mattered.

They got me prepped and ready for the c-section in minutes. Before I knew it I was on the operating table and they were making sure I was numb. Up to this point, I was perfectly fine and taking everything like a champ. My husband was right by my side holding my hand and trying to keep me calm but for some reason, I started freaking out. I think it dawned on me that I was about to have a major surgery.

At this point, I’m praying and trying to focus on breathing. I’ve been in the room with one of my friends when she had a c-section and I’ve watched a ton of documentaries but there is nothing like being in that position yourself. When they say you will feel pressure I had no idea it would feel like three elephants were sitting on your chest trying to push all of your intestines up your neck (sorry but that’s my best description). That was scary!

Once they got started it didn’t take long and pretty soon I could hear them suctioning out my baby’s nose. The doctor told my husband he could stand up to look at the baby but he refused. I think he was still in shock that we were in an operating room and he didn’t want to see anything that would make him pass out. They held my baby up to the curtain and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. Then the real tears started falling. I mean I was crying my eyes out. I had so many emotions that were playing catch up from the whole birthing experience.

The nurses brought Myan over to me and I got to touch his face and give him a kiss. He locked eyes on me and never looked away. We just stared at each other until they asked Milan to take him to my recovery room while they stitched me up. When they were done they took me to the room so I could finally hold my sweet baby. One of the things in my birth plan that I wanted to do was skin-to-skin (kangaroo care) right after birth. This helps with bonding, milk production, and the overall health of mom and baby. We got to have our skin-to-skin and my hungry baby crawled up my belly and latched on perfectly right away. Prayers answered! Breastfeeding is something I definitely wanted to do and he was a pro from the start.

Even though things didn’t go as planned I am thankful that I had a healthy baby and that I had a smooth recovery. I couldn’t have done it without my husband by my side. He supported every single stage of my pregnancy and delivery. This post is dedicated to my loving husband Milan and my sweet baby boy Myan. I love you!